Why do we dance around the obvious when it comes to classified ads? I was looking through some Craigslist ads the other day and had a moment of pontification while embracing the absurd code-talk. When someone includes this phrase, it generally has an alternate meaning that they don’t really want to say. But wouldn’t it be great if everyone said what they really wanted to? Here’s a few examples of what you might see:
AS IS = This piece of crap is not functional and you sure as hell aren’t returning it if you’re crazy enough to buy it and I won’t be held legally liable if it blows up in your face because I remember this Madlock episode where this guy did and Madlock was able to get him off the hook.
Or Best Offer (OBO) = I know that I’m asking too much for this, but can you at least give me an offer somewhat close to what I’m asking for? Please? Pretty Please?
Price is Negotiable = I know that I’m asking too much for this, but I want you to feel like you got a good deal if you ask me for half price (but honestly, I’d take 25%).
FIRM = I hate haggling. Please don’t haggle with me because I know you’ll win and then I’ll be pissed at myself.
Like New = I only dropped it once, otherwise it’s as good as new.
Must Sell! = I stole this and I need to unload it before the cops catch up with me!
Mint Condition/Never Used = I can’t believe I bought this junk and never used it, but hopefully you’re as gullible as I am because I don’t want to add to my guilt if I have to throw this in the landfill – then I’d be a money waster and earth killer – EEK!!!
Free = It’s a piece of junk, but I will feel so much better if I don’t throw it in the landfill.
Must See! = Hey, if you come over, I think I might just be able to use the negotiation skills that I learned during my brief stint at door-to-door selling during that one dark summer to sell you my stuff, because God knows it’s not good enough to sell itself.
New in Box = I didn’t break it, and luckily I kept the box and with my precision glue-job you won’t be able to tell the difference and you’ll think you got a bargain.
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